My dear readers,

Answering Remaining Questions from Calvary Pandan Church Camp 2024 (4)

Question 1: What should I do if my child decides to marry an unbeliever? Have I failed as a parent if they decide to do it against my advice on being unequally yoked?

Answer 1: If your child was baptized; or in his younger days had called himself a believer; or was seen as a believer since he attended church from childhood, then as Christian parents, you cannot give your blessings or attend the wedding. To participate in the wedding in any manner would be a compromise and a sin against the Lord and your child. 

It is a sin against the Lord because the marriage of a professing believer to an unbeliever sends out the message that Christ and Belial (i.e. the devil) can have agreement, concord and fellowship! God ordained marriage. Marriage between a man and a woman is honourable in the sight of God. It is the closest human relationship possible, since only at death can the husband and wife be separated!

It is a sin against your child because you would be showing by your attendance or participation that your child is more important to you than Christ and that you would rather disobey Christ and sin against Him! Christ is God and if your child is more important to you than Christ, your child has become your “God” instead of Christ! You must think in terms of eternity like a child of God and not like an unbeliever who thinks in terms of this earthly temporal world.

The failure part is measured on a case-by-case basis. The promise of God when Christian parents bring their children up in the fear and nurture of the LORD from birth is taught in Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” The literal translation is: “Discipline a child from the mouth (i.e. the beginning) of his way (i.e. his life): and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” The construction of “he will not depart from it” is of the same strength as the prohibition used in the Ten Commandments.

Why would a child not want to receive Christ into his life after he witnesses how wonderful the Saviour is in the lives of mom and dad who live a godly life and have been a holy example before him all his life? A child will believe everything mom and dad teach him. He will eat everything mom and dad feed him, believing that they will always give him the best and will not deliberately hurt him. If the child believes and receives everything from mom and dad to be good for him, why not all things spiritual too? The child can live and experience a believer’s godly and holy life outwardly at home (from the godly testimonies of mom and dad) before he becomes a child of God inwardly. This is God’s promise when Christian parents bring their children up in a godly and holy manner from the day they are born. When Christian parents fail in such a circumstance, and when the children grow up and marry unbelievers (i.e. in direct disobedience to God’s Word), can the Christian parents really believe that they are guiltless?

However, supposing that parents were married as unbelievers, they became believers when their children were already teenagers. In that case, the yardstick to measure their responsibility will differ from the above scenario. It does not mean that their children cannot be saved or will not grow up to be God-fearing children. Proverbs 22:6 does not apply to them since their children were not brought up from the beginning of their lives in a Christian environment because they were not believers. From the day of their salvation, they can bear a holy witness for Christ, begin their Christian witness at home, and build a Christian home where their children can grow up in.

Question 2: What do I do if my child is backsliding, rebellious, and defiant to my counsel? Could this possibly mean God has not elected my child?

Answer 2: If your child is not a believer, the behaviour of backsliding and rebellion is expected. The most important concern is not their obedience to you but their reconciliation with God. Be a godly example at home so he will see the gospel's impact on your life. The exact impact can also be his when he accepts Christ. This is the testimony of godliness. Parents, pray always for your children’s salvation, that the Lord will show mercy toward them. Pray also for opportunities to share the gospel with them, for your hearts to be prepared and to share correctly. Pray for your children’s hearts to be prepared by the Lord, to be convicted and receive the gospel, which is the work of the Holy Spirit.

If your child is a believer, your biblical counsel will convict him. He will be vexed as the Holy Spirit who dwells in him will vex him until he repents. He will have no peace in his heart until he repents and returns to the Lord.

The doctrine of election is NOT to be used against or to condemn a sinner or say that God did not choose him to be saved, and that is why he rejects the gospel. This wrong understanding of a joyous and blessed doctrine is tragic and has significantly harmed evangelism and our prayer life. The doctrine of election encourages the believer, who knows he is saved by Christ, to be comforted and to know that he and his salvation were never an afterthought.

Ephesians 1:3-6: “³Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ: ⁴According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: ⁵Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, ⁶To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.”

Every believer is very special to God. Since the beginning of the election was before the world existed, God ordained every aspect of the believer’s life from the beginning to the end of his life. No matter how painful his upbringing or past might be, he must accept it from God to shape and mould every aspect of his life and character to be who he is today. There are no accidents in his life. All bitterness and self-pity should evaporate and be replaced by joy and a thankful spirit. Since God has made each believer to be who he is, he ought to be forever grateful and thankful, for God makes no mistake.

The doctrine of election is a spiritual truth. The only person who knows whether God has elected him is the believer himself. He knows this AFTER salvation and not before. Before salvation, he was dead in sin and spiritually blind. Since the doctrine of election is a spiritual truth and the unbeliever is spiritually dead, he is powerless to understand. He will never know if he is elected unless God allows him to look into the Book of Life, where every believer’s name is written; but Jesus Christ will never allow that!

When a sinner becomes a believer by experiencing spiritual birth, he is spiritual; thus, he will know that God has elected him. His salvation is entirely of the Lord. Therefore, a sinner cannot blame God and say that God did not elect him, and that is why he did not accept Christ as Lord and Saviour. His rejection of Christ is due to his sinful and wilful heart of rebellion and iniquity. He has no one to blame but himself when he is cast into hell and stands before God on the day of judgment condemned.